Miranda Rights
by IfOnlyBabe
Summary: A drunk Ranger confronts Morelli. Steph gets called down to the station to tidy up the mess. (Ranger is slightly out of character in this fic because...well...he actually talks.)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: All of the character's belong to JE. No one belongs to me. If Ranger did, I'd never leave the house again.**

 **Also, a bit rusty so forgive me for the cliché story lines until I get up to scratch. Total Babe. Beware my undying romantic side.**

Miranda Rights

The shrill ringing of the telephone woke me from a deep sleep, dragging me away from memories of warm Hawaiian sands and warmer Cuban hands. I blew out a frustrated breath. I can't catch a break. The universe won't even allow me to enjoy sleep nookie with Batman!

Reaching out for the offending object, I answered on a growl. "What?"

"Bomber!" Came the far too cheerful response.

"What do you want Bobby? It's…" I checked the clock. "Christ, it's 3 in the damn morning."

"We've got a little situation we need a hand with." From the way that Bobby stumbled all over the word 'situation', I'm guessing it had involved a lot of alcohol. I didn't think I'd ever seen the Merry Men drink. I wonder what the special occasion was because Bobby was three sheets to the wind.

"Get on with it, Bobby."

"We're at the police station." There was the sounds of a scuffle and Bobby complaining loudly before he came back on the line. "Jesus, I'm handling it Santos. Listen Steph, we need you to come down and bail Ranger out. They won't let us on account of Lester being drunk."

That had my attention. I sat bolt upright and reached for the light, already hunting for clothes. "What happened?"

Lester had obviously succeeded in wrestling the phone from Bobby because his equally slurred voice now drifted down the line. "What happened is your fiancé is kind of a dick so Ranger…"

"What fiancé? What are you talking about?"

"Joe, your fiancé? You know, tall, Italian, hairy…"

"Lester, Joe and I aren't engaged." This can't be good.

"Well, fuck…" The line fell silent for a moment before Bobby returned.

"Listen Steph, just get down here before all hell breaks loose."

"I'm coming but Bobby, tell me what the hell happened!" I was through my front door and moving fast.

"Ranger may or may not have got the wrong end of the stick about some gossip making the rounds and…he may have knckdJoeout." Bobby mumbled. Too bad I was the queen of the mumbled admission in high school.

"He knocked him out! How? Why?" I crammed myself behind the wheel of my car and hit speaker phone.

"We ran into him…and well, Ranger…he was already pretty drunk and he got into it with Morelli and he just sort of lost it. I guess it's been a long time coming."

"Jesus, Bobby, I'm five minutes away." I hung up the phone and banged my head against the steering wheel. This could not be happening.

As I motored through town, breaking many a traffic law, I contemplated what I knew. Obviously the Burg had heard about Morelli's newest proposal attempt. Well, they had the attempt part right but not the answer. Joe and I had broken up amidst yelling and smashing plates sometime between the first and third quarter of the Rangers' game. Truth didn't seem to matter too much on the Burg grapevine though.

So, Ranger got the wrong end of the stick and he and Joe got into it. But why? They may not like each other but up to this point, they had maintained an uneasy treaty. What could have broken it? And why was Ranger drunk? Was it in response to my engagement? I instantly discarded that as the ramblings of a complete fantasist. It was unbelievable enough that someone as controlled as Ranger had been intoxicated at all, let alone because of a woman. More specifically, this woman.

I screeched into the police parking lot like a woman possessed. When I stepped (ran) into the station, the sight that met me was like something out of The Twilight Zone. The three main Merry Men were locked in some kind of staring contest with Eddie Gazarra, Carl Constanza and Big Dog. Typically this would have been a reason for the TPD to feel a little nervous only in this instance, Lester was sitting cross-legged on the floor, Tank was leaning heavily on the desk invading Eddie's personal space and Bobby was just sort of swaying gently in the breeze. When I entered, 6 pairs of eyes landed on me.

"Bomber!" Bobby called, opening his arms wide to me. Despite myself, I gave him a quick hug.

"Okay, so what's going on?" I directed this towards Eddie since I was probably more likely to get a sober response.

"Morelli wants Ranger processed for assaulting an officer." Eddie explained, shooting Tank a sideways look. "He's over at St Francis getting a CT right now. He's fine though." He said, anticipating my question.

"Was Morelli on the clock?" Eddie shook his head. "Was he in uniform?" Again, the head shake. "Was he there…where? Where did all this happen?"

"The Hilton." Bobby supplied helpfully. Oh boy!

"The Hilton…like the Hilton Hilton? Costs two hundred bucks a night Hilton?" Bobby nodded. "Was he at the Hilton in an official capacity?" Head shake. "So what was he doing there?" Suddenly, everyone from the TPD to the Merry Men was looking real shifty. "What am I missing?"

"Morelli decided to celebrate your engagement…" Bobby began.

"We're not engaged." I cut in as a reflex.

"Good thing too because I don't think you would have liked the company he was keeping." Lester blurted from his position on the floor. Everyone froze.

"What?" I stuttered, hearing bells clanging in my head. I mean yeah, we were broken up and I was seriously thinking it was for good this time but we only split 7 hours ago. That was quick work, even for Joe.

Tank sighed and took a step forward, moving away from his intimidation routine. "We were in the back bar drinking when Joe walked through the lobby wrapped around some woman. Honest, I've never seen Ranger move so quickly. He was across the lobby like a shot, holding Joe against the wall." Tank explained, wrapping an arm around me and guiding me over to the bench. "He started yelling at Joe about stepping out on you and then Joe…Joe said something about Ranger picking up his sloppy seconds and Ranger took him down with one shot."

"He's lucky too." Lester interjected. "Because Ranger was out for blood. It took all three of us to pull him off and by that time, these fools showed up." He hiked a finger at the TPD.

I bent my head down between my knees and took a few deep breaths, praying the earth would stop spinning. When I could see straight again, I raised my head and looked into Tank's sympathetic face. "Where is he?"

"Morelli?"

"Morelli can kiss my ass. Where's Ranger?" I growled.

"In holding." Eddie pipped up.

"I want to see him."

"Steph, I can't just…"

I was across the room and in his face before he had time to finish. "I want to see him, Eddie. Now. Or so help me god, I'll tell Shell about that time in college when you…" Eddie was on the other side of the desk with his hand over my mouth in a heartbeat. I stared him down until, with a sigh, he peeled his hand away from my face and led me back to the cells.

There in the first cell, back to the wall, sat my Batman. His eyes were closed and he was doing some kind of deep breathing exercise. Probably he should have considered that before he decked a cop but I couldn't be cross. He was trying to protect me. Just like always.

"Hey." I called softly. His eyes snapped open and he turned his head slowly to look at me.

"Hey." That was it.

"Heard you got yourself in a little trouble." I tried again.

"He had it coming." Ranger stood carefully and moved towards me. He wasn't swaying in the breeze like Bobby but his normal cat-like grace was absent.

"You shouldn't have done that Ranger. You could be in for big problems here." I whispered, reaching out to stroke his cheek. He moved closer, trapping my hand between his cheek and his palm.

"Had to Babe. He has to understand that you deserve better than that, particularly if he's going to marry you." This was said with a sad shake of his head.

"I'm not marrying him. I was never marrying him. The Burg got it wrong."

"You will one day Babe." Batman looked like someone had shot his puppy. "When you do, he needs to know to behave."

My jaw fell open. Did he really believe that? "Didn't you hear me? I said no. I said no before any of this and I'm certainly not changing my mind now!" I all but shrieked.

"Why is this time any different?" Ranger asked, his eyes burning a hole through me.

"Oh, I don't know. Could be because he stepped out on me? Could be because what we want is completely incompatible? Could be that I don't want to be his wife?" I rolled my eyes.

"Why?" _Because I want to be yours._ The thought leapt into my head out of nowhere and I clamped my lips firmly together to stop it tumbling out of my mouth.

Oh no! Not happening. Not here. Not now. Particularly not when he was in this condition.

"Why don't we deal with the business of getting you out of here for now?" I replied after a moment. He continued to stare me down for a few long seconds before he gave a curt nod. "Eddie said that Joe wasn't at the Hilton on police business. Can he claim assault on an officer if he was off duty?"

"No. I've got my lawyer working on it already. And there's something else…" I gestured for him to go on. "I'm fairly certain he was with a working girl. I've seen her on Stark."

"Wait, that son of a bitch proposes to me over Pino's pizza and a ball game and the hooker gets a trip to the Hilton?" Colour me insulted! I took a deep breath. "So, what do we do with that information?"

"Thomas is fairly sure that we'll be able to get him to drop the charges to avoid embarrassment. For now, we just wait."

"For what?"

"Babe, it's four in the morning. I'll have to wait for the courts to open so that they can process me."

"So what do we do in the mean time?"

"You should go home and get some sleep. I'm sorry the guys called you down."

I didn't want him to be sorry. I wanted him to want me here. "What was the occasion?" Apparently, my mouth had a mind of its own today. Ranger quirked an eyebrow. "Why were you guys out drinking? Celebrating?"

"Mourning."

"Did…did someone…are the guys alright?" I stuttered, feeling the blood drain from my face. "What…"

Ranger reached out quickly to steady me. "No, Babe, nothing like that." I couldn't hear him. The tears had started quickly and they were coming thick and fast. I heard him bite out a curse. "Eddie, open this fucking cell."

"Ranger, I can't just…"

"Open the cell Eddie. I'm not coming out. She's coming in." He growled. To his credit, Eddie's hands only shook a little as he placed the key in the lock and pushed open the cell door.

Ranger swept me into his arms and settled on the bunk, nodding his thanks at Eddie. "Babe, all the men are fine. I promise. I…" He wet his lips and stared a hole through the wall in front of him. "I thought you'd said yes. I thought this time that was it. You were lost to me. So me and the guys we…"

"Mourned?" I hiccupped.

"We knew that when you married, he wouldn't let you keep coming around. We knew that ring meant you were lost to us. So yeah, we mourned." He murmured. If only Ranger was this chatty when he was sober.

I turned my face into his neck and inhaled deeply. Bulgari and just a hint of whisky. Even drunk, Ranger was a walking temptation. "He could never make me stay away from you." I whispered. "He's tried but I…I can't do it." If I was lucky, he wouldn't remember either of our verbal incontinence in the morning.

"Why?"

"Because you're my best friend. And the guys, they're like family." He tightened his arms around me. "I would have picked you." I added.

Ranger swallowed and looked down at me, touching my bottom lip with his index finger. "But you never did." His voice was hoarse with emotion and there were so many emotions running across his face that I couldn't keep track. Yup, this was The Twilight Zone alright.

Okay Steph, time to put on your big girl pants and take a chance. "You never told me it was an option."

"It's always been an option. From that first day in the café."

"What are you saying?"

"Pick me." He murmured before kissing me sweetly on the lips.

The sound of a door being thrown open tore Ranger's lips from mine and both of our heads swung towards the bars where a pissed off looking Joe Juniak was glowering at a sheepish Eddie. "Jesus, Gazarra, have you even heard of policy?"

"Uncle Joe!" I cried, running up to the bars. "What are you doing here?"

"Are you kidding? In the last hour, I've received more phone calls regarding this cluster fuck than I want to count. One from your father." He growled, patting me tenderly on the cheek.

"Daddy? But why?"

"Apparently Edna was out with her cronies and she saw the whole thing. She raced home to tell your family. Helen is having a fit and Frank says if I don't get his future son-in-law out of jail in the next ten minutes, I'm banned from Friday night poker." He looked beyond me to Ranger. "You going to let Frank down, young man?" Son-in-law? WTF? Had my father been drinking too?

"Not a chance." His voice was like steel.

With a nod, Juniak held out his hand for the keys. "Tomorrow morning, when he's released from hospital, I will be having a long conversation with _Officer_ Morelli about abuse of power and the dangers of making the wrong enemies." I cringed at the demotion but hey, he deserved it. "No formal charges will be placed. You're both free to go."

Ranger placed a warm hand on the back of my neck and steered me out of the cell. I placed a kiss on Uncle Joe's cheek and whispered a thank you before allowing Ranger to guide me back into the reception area.

All three Merry Men were lined up on the bench, watching the door. When we emerged, they gave a drunken cheer before being silenced by a look from their leader.

"Come on guys, I'll drive you all home."

"Hey, Bomber." Bobby said sheepishly. "Can we go through the drive-thru on the way back to RangeMan? Getting arrested makes me hungry." I heard Ranger sigh but he made no other objections.

"Sure thing Bobby." I loaded the guys into the back seat, which was quite a feat considering their size. When I shut the door, Ranger was standing behind me looking uncertain. I didn't think I'd ever recover from the constant hits of vulnerable, drunk Ranger. He was breaking my heart.

Stepping towards him, I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head against his chest. "I'll always pick you." I whispered. His arms came around me like steel bands crushing me to him and he took my mouth in a hot, ardent kiss so intense that I could barely hear the Merry Men hooting and hollering in the background.

Lester stuck his head out of the window. "Come on mom and dad, the kids are getting restless!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: All of the character's belong to JE. No one belongs to me. If Ranger did, I'd never leave the house again.**

 **Thank you so much for all your kind reviews. I didn't expect everyone to be so welcoming and it's really encouraging. I'm not sure what the etiquette is about replying to reviews, so please take this new chapter as one big thank you for being such a great group of people. Hope you like it.**

Miranda Rights

CHAPTER TWO

I ran my fingers lightly over Ranger's bicep, taking in the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he slept. He looked relaxed and at peace, his hair falling over one eye. I felt my heart clench. There was never a more beautiful sight.

My phone buzzed on the dresser and I shot out a hand to grab it before its jumping could disturb Ranger. When he woke up, he was going to be in a world of pain and I wanted to spare him for a few more minutes. I wondered if Ranger would take the cure if I brought it to him in bed. Nah, his cure was probably a kale smoothie. Bleugh!

"Hello." I whispered into the phone.

"Where the fuck are you?" A voice almost growled down the line. Morelli.

"I'm in bed." I whispered, biting my lip and glancing over at Ranger.

"No you're not because I'm standing in your apartment right now."

"I didn't say I was in my bed." Take that, you jack ass. "What did you think Joe? That I'd be there waiting for you after all this?"

"Stephanie, I'm warning you. Get over here now. You have some explaining to do." The cheek! I could almost hear him grinding his teeth. I took a deep calming breath. What I really wanted to do was give him such a verbal tongue lashing, that he would never wanted to breath the same air as me again but I really didn't want to wake Ranger.

"Actually Joe, I don't think there's anything more to be said. I said no, you stepped out and then to make matters worse, you had my best friend in the whole world arrested. I think there are plenty of nails in this coffin." I hissed and Ranger stirred next to me. His arm came out and snaked around my waist, drawing me closer.

"Babe." He murmured sleepily.

"Is that him? Jesus, Stephanie, he hit a cop." Joe roared and Ranger popped an eye open. His brow furrowed slightly. Guess it hurt.

He reached out and plucked the phone from my hand. "You're lucky that's all I did." He snapped the phone shut, and dropped it back on the nightstand before pulling me even closer.

"How you feeling?" I asked, stroking the side of his face. He made a purring sound and I took it as encouragement, running my fingertips into his hair and massaging with gentle pressure.

"Like I've been hit by a truck." He groaned. "That helps." I smiled and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, continuing my ministrations. Silence fell over the bedroom, just the steady, measured in and out of our breath. I for one was doing some serious mental gymnastics. Would Ranger remember last night? Would he still feel the same way? And what exactly had I agreed to? We hadn't really fleshed out the finer points between the jail cell and dragging him back to his place. There'd been some wandering hands but it was all over when his head hit the pillow. Instant KO.

"Babe, I can hear the wheels turning from here." He rumbled, never opening his eyes.

"Sorry."

Ranger sighed and opened his eyes, rolling over on top of me and trapping me with his big body. "What's the matter?" I shrugged and became preoccupied with trailing my fingertips over his collar bone. "Has something changed since last night?" His eyes were guarded as he stared down at me.

"You remember?" He tilted his head. I guess we were back to stoic Ranger. I suppose I was going to be doing all the talking here. "We never…we didn't really discuss what we were doing here." I motioned at the space between the two of us.

"As far as I'm concerned, we hit all the finer points." Ranger ran a hand down my side, digging his fingertips into my hips to bring me closer. "Morelli's out of the picture and you're in my bed." He ground his hips against me and I lost focus for a second.

Okay Steph, stay on track here. "But what does that mean? Are we bed buddies and nothing more? Are we…'together'? Are we…" Okay, I was rambling now.

Ranger pressed his mouth to mine to silence me. He was familiar with the proper cure for rambling. "It means, we're here together, in our home, starting our life together. It means that your mum can start nagging you about wedding details…" I groaned. "Or we can hop on a plane to Vegas and skip the whole thing. It's up to you. It's all up to you. I'll give you anything you want as long as you'll stay with me." His face was so serious, so intense as he looked down at me.

My breath caught in my throat. "You…you really want to marry me?" I choked out, emotions tightening my throat.

In answer, Ranger rolled off of me and padded into the walk-in closet. He returned a moment later and in his hand was a little blue box. I gasped. He sat down beside me and took my hand, kissing my open palm. "I bought this a week after we were together for the first time." He flipped open the box.

"Why?" I asked, blinking back tears. "You sent me back to Morelli."

"When have you ever done anything anyone has told you to do? I was sort of hoping you'd tell me to go to hell." He confessed. "I was trying to force your hand. I handled it badly."

"I didn't handle it at all." I conceded. "Why now?"

"Because I've got you where I want you and you're not going anywhere." Ranger grinned, sneaking a bone-melting kiss. "Stephanie Michelle Plum, will you marry me?" He whispered against my lips.

"Oh yeah." I breathed.

Ringing. I could hear ringing. "Yo." Ranger answered, leaning over to place a warm kiss against my shoulder. "Where?" He paused. "I'll be there in 5." He hung up and sighed. Wow, hungover Ranger sighed.

"What's going on?" I asked breathily as he trailed kisses along my shoulder.

His head dropped against my chest. "Morelli's downstairs." Well there went the mood. "Come on. Let's get this over with."

"Do we have to?" Even to my ears, I sounded like a petulant child.

"Unless we want Morelli to live in the lobby, I think it's for the best." Ranger rose from the bed and held out a hand to pull me up. "Besides, I'm sort of looking forward to letting Morelli know that his loss is my gain." Despite myself, I giggled and looked around for my clothes. "There are things in the closet, Babe."

See here's the thing about me and Ranger. Even though we've only just pulled our heads out of our asses, we've been in some kind of relationship for years. I had clothes in his closet, toiletries in his bathroom and a parking space in his lot. He supported my choices and made sure that I always knew he had my best interests at heart. I, in turn, trusted him more than anyone else on the planet and would do anything he asked of me. Morelli who?

Four minutes later we stepped off the elevator and into the path of a raging bull. Lester was hovering close by, watching his agitated pacing. Morelli was across the lobby like a shot and in my face. "What the hell are you playing at Cupcake?" He began, his face already a violent purple. "How dare you embarrass me like this? This thug should be in jail for the stunt he pulled last night." He took another step towards me and that was close enough for Ranger. He tugged me behind him and turned to glower at Morelli.

"You got exactly what you deserved last night." I roared, sticking my head out from behind Ranger. "It's only a shame that you could only handle the one hit."

"You little slut. We're supposed to be getting married and you behave like this." He was waving his hands around and scrunching up his face just like always. I'd never really noticed how his face bloated when he yelled or how spittle collected at the corner of his mouth. It was not an attractive sight. Why the hell had I put up with it for so long?

"Watch yourself." Ranger growled, taking a step towards him.

I placed my hand on his shoulder and some of the tension left him. "I've got this." I whispered and stepped around him. "You're right Morelli. I am getting married. Just not to you." I placed my left hand on Ranger's shoulder, the ring glittering on my finger. You could hear a pin drop. Then Lester gave a whoop and a 'hot damn'! The corner of my mouth hitched up. Morelli looked ready to implode. "I'm actually very thankful to you for last night." I told him calmly. "You really helped me dodge a bullet. To think, I might have ended up trapped in a marriage with an asshole like you, when I could be looking at a future with Ranger." I smiled up at him and he returned the look.

"You bitch." He rushed towards me but he didn't get far. Ranger had him by the throat in a heartbeat.

"This seems oddly familiar." I heard Lester mutter.

Ranger leaned in close and in a voice that sent a shiver down my spine, said, "I suggest you leave now before I fit you for a body bag. If you ever come near my fiancé again, the same applies." He promised. "And just in case you were thinking of making trouble, this lobby is fully monitored for sound and video. I wonder what Joe Juniak would think about you attacking his niece?" He dropped him and stepped away, letting Lester escort him from the building.

He gathered me in his arms. "You okay Babe?" He asked, skating his fingers over my jawline.

"I've never been so good Batman." A small smile broke across his face and bloomed into an all out laugh. "What?"

He flicked a look over his shoulder at a retreating Morelli. "I've been waiting three years to do that."


End file.
